I really feel like these blogs are a kind of disorganized diary. The randomization of interest, desire, passion, and what’s easy. The notes of a day gone by where I look for the things that I’m grateful for. The things that stand out are noticed, but the things that I should be most grateful for are not acknowledged, or are acknowledged only with effort. There is vulnerability in the falsehood of a personal note. The risk that what I was bold enough to write would always and only be for my eyes.
Just like the journal at my bed, there are topics that I share openly, and some I cryptically hide in that openness, like the public key of PKI. The difference is obvious. In this medium, most of what I share is research, and others are observations, but this is a personal one. It’s personal because there is no room for research in life at times. Lately I’ve been so involved in a project that I’m working on that I forgot to do the research to write this Thursday’s post, so I wrote this. Since I’m being honest, I’m frustrated at myself for allowing a lack of discipline to turn into an unplanned post, but that’s life.
It’s a reminder that this is worth embracing and decoupling from any label that may be associated with it. The project I am working on is a publicly private one. It’s not something that I will share here, but where I do share it, the project is free for anyone who knows how to use it. That is the technical side of my life. I protect that from this part of my life like I protect this part of my life from the technical side.
Funny how, out of all the things I have shared, this is the most authentic share with the fewest words to accompany it. Ironic how the freedom of deviating from the formula and planned schedule of topics is the offset that is needed to recalibrate. I felt like I was drifting from the core of why I started. That I was encircling my passion for showing others in tech that you don’t always have to be the nerd, but when you do nerd out… love it! Love it like you’re alone in a car yelling out the words to your favorite song!
With that said, I give you the license that I have been given to give freely. The license to take the worry and labels off yourself to do what captivates you and be irresponsible at times. That irresponsibility is knowingly allowing something to fall so that you can continue doing something else.
This is what I really think we start to lose as we mature, age, grow old, etc.
Drop the plate!
Lose track of time!
Relax in the chaos of your creativity!
Maybe when you come back to what you were stressing over to get the approval of others, you’ll find that you didn’t need to sell yourself short to fit below the bar that others claim needs to be raised as you soared over it!
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