You may or may not know of the Gracie family. If you don’t, they are a family of grapplers from Brazil. They started the UFC in the mid 1990’s where it was a Vale Dudo (anything goes) tournament style fight. The two that was credited with evolving Japanese Jiu-Jitsu that was a standing and ground fighting component of the Samuri skillset into a purely ground based system are Helio and Carlos Gracie.

Helio is the father of Royler is often referred to as the creator of BJJ largely due to how his sons Royler and Rickson popularized the martial art. In the 1950’s, through the 1990’s BJJ fighters would not only fight anyone that challenged them, but they would also fight them for as long as it took for the fight to be won. Tapping or admitting defeat was the only way to stop the fight.

If someone was rendered unconscious, they would stop, but if the opponent started attacking when they woke up, fight’s on again. If something broke but the opponent was still attacking the fight went on. These were no time limit fights that tested not only skill but mental and emotional tenacity. Rickson used the length of time that a fight could last as an analogy for patience. “Life rewards the patient, not the passive.”

The lack of movement didn’t mean that you are being passive it meant that you acknowledged the situation and knew you had to endure it until an opportunity was presented. Being passive meant that you allow an opportunity to go by you because you were too fearful. Put another way, passivity was fighting to lose less, not fighting to win.

Patience in a grappling match is one thing, but patience when you have to put food on the table is not too different. Doing nothing can cost you victory and livelihood. During the housing market crash of 2007-2008 I lost my job and our home. We were forced to live with family in extremely cramped conditions. Even with this situation we were more fortunate than others and counted our blessings.

I had to stop doing BJJ and use whatever little money we had for food and help with other household bills. I called my instructor and this was the conversation:

Mike, just wanted to let you know that I lost my job and I can’t train anymore. I’ll make this months membership, but I don’t think I’ll be in class because I don’t have the money for gas.

          Don’t worry about it my brother! I’ll send the money back and you can use that for gas. See you tonight.

Mike, I don’t think you get it. I cannot train anymore. I don’t have a job, I don’t have money, and I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do man.

          I know what you’re going to do. You’re going to be in class tonight.

Bro…

          No bro. Don’t bro me man. I’ll see you tonight. This is temporary shit man. Yeah it sucks, but so what you do Jiu-Jitsu my brother.

What does jits have to do with finding a job Mike? I need a job bro.

          Jiu-Jitsu has everything to do with finding a job. Look. I saw you and Bruce the other day. You had him in a triangle and he had you stacked on the corner of the wall and the floor. It looked like your neck was going to snap and I was about to stop the fight but somehow you got out and you tapped Bruce. Life is like Bruce right now. You’re in a fucked up spot, but be patient and keep attacking. Recruiters aren’t working at night man. I’ll see you tonight.

You sure?

Yeah.

I went to class that night and every night that I feel like I’m not worth it that I make it onto the mats I leave hearing Mike and this conversation. Mike died a few years after that in a car accident, but he will live on forever in those words. That lesson and Rickson’s words are two legs of the stool, but the one that makes that stool stand are the reminders in my faith about patience.

I am not going to get preachy here because these are my personal convictions. I’ll briefly say this because it’s important. There are times when there isn’t an answer. Science calls that a theory, religion calls it faith. No matter how you slice it there is something there you cannot prove but you believe it, so you use that as a means to get through or as a foundation to build from. In my faith God tells us that we are born into hardship and we must be patient.

It’s only through the application of patience that it becomes clear patience is not lazy. Patience is not passively waiting for things to improve. It’s showing up everyday productively. It’s knowing that a situation is weighing on you. That an answer will not come on your schedule, just that if you stop moving you get stuck, or as the cowboy saying goes “if you’re going through hell just keep going.”

Recently I found myself out of work and rejected more times than ever. I’ve applied to 200+ jobs and have been rejected by all but one. Talk about a Tom Brady moment. Brady was passed over 198 times before being picked 199th overall. It’s not easy being patient in the face of constant rejection, but I started looking at it as practice for the inevitable success to come.

You’ll never see your own progress until you glance back after having achieved success. Patience may complain, but it never quits. Patience is the first one at the door of opportunity who hears it unlock and has to keep up with it until it opens. It’s an action, not a reaction or an emotion. It’s hard to do and distractions will make you busy enough to miss the moment. Patience always has time to do what needs to be done. I know, this doesn’t mean shit when you have bills to pay and your stomach is starting to speak to you.

When you need patience the best advice I have learned is to show up, and keep showing up until you achieve what you set out to.